0:00:00.0 Jen Thornton: You go talk to your friends talk, to my friends, talk to me. Those are the words of our friend, Taylor Swift.
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0:00:08.1 JT: Welcome back friends. This is your place for cutting-edge tools, exercises, best practices, and modern leadership strategies. Because when the world is changing, it's time to bring our leadership styles along for the ride. Whether you're a company leader, a corporate visionary, and entrepreneur, this show gives you new insights into the neuroscience and the language of leadership, plus practical steps and tips to lead your teams in a powerful way. It'll also help you keep your people happy and engaged all the while achieving your biggest goals. I'm your host Jen Thornton. I'm a talent strategist, a brain-based executive coach, speaker, and the founder of 304 Coaching. Now, Let's Fix Leadership.
0:00:52.7 JT: We might not be singing Taylor Swift, we'll never get back together at work. But too often, we're using triangulization in our day to day communication. Triangulization is when a third party is brought into a conflict or situation that primarily involves two people with the intent of either defusing tension or seeking support from that third party.
0:01:13.0 JT: This can happen directly or indirectly. It often happens when one person discusses a problem about another person with someone else rather than addressing the issue directly with the person involved. While it might seem like a strategy to manage conflicts or gain perspective, triangulization often complicates situations and can lead to conflict miscommunication and toxic work environments. The worst thing about triangulization is the impact on relationships. It erodes trust. It creates an environment where individuals feel they cannot trust their peers or their leaders. It leads to that feeling that everyone has where it's like is everyone talking about everyone behind their backs? And we've all been in that environment and none of us want to be in that environment again. It creates a situation of miscommunication. Ever played the telephone game when you were younger? Well, let's not play it as adults. Information passed through a third party is susceptible to distortion, leading to miscommunication and lack of clarity. And it obviously damages team dynamics.
0:02:17.7 JT: Triangulization leads to the formation of cliques and fractures within the team. It undermines that unity and the ability to effectively work together. It also makes it really hard to find resolution in conflicts, because you've brought so many more people into it. By avoiding direct confrontation and really thinking about how to resolve an issue, triangulization creates this growth and development of the problem. It just gets bigger as it grows. And when you take those problems and you face them head on early and with the right person the problems are actually smaller.
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0:03:00.8 JT: Let's take a quick break from the conversation. Does your company need to prepare those upcoming leaders to take the reign? To learn more about our leadership academies and our coaching and to see if your company is a good fit for our transformation program. Visit 304coaching.com.
0:03:20.4 JT: And clearly triangulization is something we want to remove from the work culture but how is that actually done? Well, as always it starts with you. Leaders play an important role in modeling and fostering healthy communication practices. So first things first, promote a culture of direct communication. Encourage team members to address issues or conflicts directly with the person involved. And this can be by facilitating a conversation or setting clear expectations or directing someone to the right person when they come to you and expect you to participate in triangulization.
0:03:56.6 JT: I had this leader for many years and she would always say, "If it's not the person who can solve the issue it is not the person to talk about it with." And I've always appreciated this advice and continue to try to live my life by it today. Now, to make it comfortable for people to address conflict directly you have to build a culture where feedback and open communication are valued. This involves not only allowing but actively encouraging feedback in all directions, upwards, downwards, and laterally. Feedback is just information delivered. You get to choose how you respond to it. Responding with openness sets the tone for everyone on your team to do the same.
0:04:41.1 JT: And of course lead by example. As a leader model the behavior you wish to see. Address issues directly with the concerned parties and resist the urge to involve unnecessary third parties. Your behavior sets the tone for the entire organization. And of course, continue to build an environment of trust. There are countless reasons why you would want to do this as a leader and avoiding triangulization is just another one of those reasons. Create a space for conversation. Don't hurry through conversations, give them the space to unfold naturally. And one thing that seems to be hard but actually can make a huge impact in so many things, is make conflict just a part of the working experience. Now don't do this by creating a bunch of conflict, do this by showing conflict as just something to work through. It is just a difference of perspectives or beliefs. You can have different perspectives and beliefs and still be respectful. Through the conflict we get to see a different side of things. We get to appreciate someone else's experiences.
0:05:49.5 JT: If we lead with the idea that everyone has the same view and we can never have conflict we are never learning or innovating. And at the end of the day if you want to build a better work culture, get comfortable with leading through the conflict, get comfortable hearing and accepting other people's points of view. All of these things will lead to an environment where triangulization is removed. Because no one ever fixed leadership by talking to their friends about their friends talking back to all their other friends.
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0:06:23.3 JT: Thanks for listening to Let's Fix Leadership. By hanging out with me today you're already on your path. If you're looking to learn more and to see if your company is a good fit for our coaching and leadership education then hey, visit 304coaching.com. If you got value out of this podcast share it with a friend and it would mean the world to me if you would leave a thoughtful review and a rating on iTunes. Thanks again for listening, and I appreciate your work in fixing leadership.
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